Help Us Leave the Country

Who We Are

In a nutshell, we're a happily married, "over-qualified" couple who's drowning in debt and stuck in Maine. Until the past few months, our goal was to return to our publishing careers in New York City, which we left three years ago to care for my wife's mother here in Portland. Unfortunately, she passed away, and we haven't had the money to relocate because jobs that pay well enough for us to keep our heads above water are impossible to find here. And we're not getting more credit cards.

We could itemize all our debts for you, but that would just give you a massive headache. So we're asking you to trust us when we tell you that living here hasn't been a fun ride, and there are just so many ways to make beans and rice an interesting dish. We've even consolidated our debts and are trying to pay them off, along with an unexpected tax debt.

So while we’re struggling with finances, wondering if we'll ever be able to change our lives, wondering if this is the only country where between them, a couple can have three master's degrees, college teaching experience, extensive publications, be fluent in three languages, yet still scrape by with little hope of improvement...

along comes Dubya.

When Junior announced his candidacy, we laughed. When he won the nomination, we were amazed. When he was appointed president, we were stunned. Foolishly, I said, as my wife so often reminds me: "Well, look at it this way – how much damage can he do in four years?"

Now, as the rest of the world has moved, at our expense, from laughter to repulsion and horror, we have to reassure our respective families (in Ireland and Italy) that not all Americans want to colonize the world, no matter what CNN tells them.

Now, basically, we're not thrilled to be Americans, and more than anything, we want to leave.

We believe the United States is no longer a desirable place to live, so we’re reversing the course of our parents and returning to Europe in pursuit of a better way of life. We're targeting Paris (France, not Texas) for a number of reasons: it's a multicultural city, and, as opposed to most other European cities, it's easier to find work teaching; my wife spent her childhood in Paris, and keeps in touch with close friends; it's, well, France, and therefore more progressive and advanced than pretty much any other country on the planet. You see, we like the idea of living in a country in which the only criticism people can levy at it is that it’s not good at fighting wars.

We also admire the fact that France was one of the countries that stood against us over the invasion (it wasn't a war) of Iraq. Unfortunately, as Americans, our only response is to thumb our noses at all things French and say they should feel obligated to help us after we 'saved their butts in dubya-bubya two,' obviously forgetting that we would never have won our own revolution without French assistance, and that Pierre L'Enfant designed our nation's capital, and that the French gave us our Statue of Liberty, and that Jefferson based much of his writing, including the Declaration of Independence, on Montesque.

But we need your help. A one-way ticket to Paris goes for about a thousand dollars these days. Rent for a one-bedroom apartment would be around the equivalent of $1500, although we're certainly looking for something cheaper. Then there's the matter of getting our cats over, which is proving to be somewhat difficult, regardless of cost. We'll get rid of the vast majority of our belongings, but some things we will have to ship over. So taking into account our meager savings compared with what it would cost to get to Paris and rent an apartment, including deposits and two months' rent (and hope we get jobs fairly quickly, which may or may not be realistic) and we're figuring, at a minimum, we'd probably need in the neighborhood of $10,000. Yes, that's a lot of money, but it's not necessarily overwhelming. We think it's really doable, with the help of enough kind people out there.

By donating funds to help us emigrate, you can accrue the positive karma that accompanies being an integral (or, as our president would say, "intregal") part of helping two people achieve their goal. Plus, it'll save us from declaring bankruptcy, which in the end, the American people would have to help pay off. Also, voters from opposite ends of the political spectrum can benefit: educated liberals can support the antiwar movement by abetting the escape of like-minded individuals, while conservative militants who support Bush will take joy in having two more peacenik freaks leave the country. As those of redder ilk are fond of saying, "America: love it or leave it." Well, help us keep that slogan alive.

Home How This Started Why We Want To Leave Editorials Why You Should Help Us